To be honest I thought that Nella would outlive me.

And at the same time I worried about what I’d do if she died. What was I supposed to do ? I didn’t know anything about Italian funerals and what is polite.

Putting aside the fact that I wish people didn’t die and miss so much of life ,then this was me today.

I found out the time of the church service from Facebook. Then I messaged a friend asking what to wear and was there anything else I should know.

I was worried about crying.

I think , though I’m not 100% sure that when I was little I was told off for being a crybaby a lot and I don’t remember ever being comforted.

Sometimes I think that there is an enormous pool of unshed tears in me from other sad occasions and every time there is an other sad event they try to burst out.

Anyways in the land of strong and loudly expressed emotions I really shouldn’t be so bothered.

So I went to the church.

I hung about at a distance first , until I saw some people going in and then went in behind them.

I chose a seat at the edge so that I could leave in an emergency.

Sometimes I think I have ” anxiety”.

There was a wait of about 40 minutes before everything got started. In that time I had planned what to do if I was sick, had a heart attack, collapsed due to the heat, burst into uncontrollable sobbing or choked on a sweetie.

I could have waited outside Nella’s house and walked up to the church along with mourners and a brass band.

I thought the band would have been playing something sad, but it was actually playing something quite cheerful when the coffin was carried into the church.

It’s a beautiful big old church and sometimes the music almost undid me. ( I had decided that I could hide behind my fan if needed.)

The service , of which I understood very little lasted about an hour. I left when most people headed over to one side of the church and I had no idea why. Some others left so I decided that I had said , Goodbye , to Nella and I could go home now. I might have waited outside where the band were hanging about to see what happened next, but it was very hot.

So I’m home now and a glass of wine seems like a good idea.

Cheers 🍷🍷