I wouldn’t read this if you want cheered up as it has been on the whole a shitty day.
I probably shouldn’t be listening to a concert in memory of Leonard Cohen as the music is lovely but possibly is not making me feel any better.
Writing this is though.
I feel lonelier today than usual but then every second day has been difficult. And I finished a painting and don’t have another planned yet. It seems like something has changed. It might be that Italy is now on the edge and there are small signs of hope. Though there are now over 80 cases of the virus in Basilicata. Every day it has gone up and there are 11 people in intensive care. ( there were 41 beds)
But I don’t think its that. I think maybe like a lot of people in the UK today the threat has become a reality there. I think somehow there was a tiny part of myself that thought it won’t really happen in scotland. I felt I could handle my life here . I would do what I had to. Italy was different. But it surely wouldn’t affect Scotland.
So today my grown up children and their children get to handle this by themselves . In a perhaps deluded fashion I thought if I was there I could protect them. Not sure how I would have done that! Think my superpowers got lost in the post…..
So back to me as that is all there is right now.
Not surprisingly I didnt sleep very well last night. I had to apply my ten minute rule to writing this morning for the first time as I just couldn’t concentrate. ( the rule is I will write for at least 10 minutes every week day and that I will not give myself a hard time as long as I do that.)
Then after a long phone call I went out to open my ” greenhouse ” and although it had survived the strong winds the cats had done for it!! So found an old net curtain and repaired it.
I had James’s last home made frame to put my latest painting in. I wonder if it was significant that my painting was difficult to paint as I had to adjust everything to fit the frame. I like to think that things have some kind of meaning. It makes life a lot more interesting and curious.
Its on the wall now. The frame matches the rest of the curvy wood he put up in this room. Just had an idea….maybe I will paint more of the scene on the wall like its spilling out of the frame. Oh , that is the bliss of being older ….no point in waiting . Every project is a memorial.
I must’ve been quite fed up as I did some cleaning next accompanied by the Leonard Cohen concert and hardly any enthusiasm. Still all my paintbrushes are clean. And the top of the cooker…sort of.
I suppose then that I have almost done another day of solitude . Am starting to think how nice it would be to go for a walk…but its banned. Not that I ever wanted to go for a walk when I could. Probably just go look at the view from the end of the street and then it will be wine time.