I wouldn’t read this if you want cheered up as it has been on the whole a shitty day.
I probably shouldn’t be listening to a concert in memory of Leonard Cohen as the music is lovely but possibly is not making me feel any better.
Writing this is though.
I feel lonelier today than usual but then every second day has been difficult. And I finished a painting and don’t have another planned yet. It seems like something has changed. It might be that Italy is now on the edge and there are small signs of hope. Though there are now over 80 cases of the virus in Basilicata. Every day it has gone up and there are 11 people in intensive care. ( there were 41 beds)
But I don’t think its that. I think maybe like a lot of people in the UK today the threat has become a reality there. I think somehow there was a tiny part of myself that thought it won’t really happen in scotland. I felt I could handle my life here . I would do what I had to. Italy was different. But it surely wouldn’t affect Scotland.
So today my grown up children and their children get to handle this by themselves . In a perhaps deluded fashion I thought if I was there I could protect them. Not sure how I would have done that! Think my superpowers got lost in the post…..
So back to me as that is all there is right now.
Not surprisingly I didnt sleep very well last night. I had to apply my ten minute rule to writing this morning for the first time as I just couldn’t concentrate. ( the rule is I will write for at least 10 minutes every week day and that I will not give myself a hard time as long as I do that.)
Then after a long phone call I went out to open my ” greenhouse ” and although it had survived the strong winds the cats had done for it!! So found an old net curtain and repaired it.
I had James’s last home made frame to put my latest painting in. I wonder if it was significant that my painting was difficult to paint as I had to adjust everything to fit the frame. I like to think that things have some kind of meaning. It makes life a lot more interesting and curious.
Its on the wall now. The frame matches the rest of the curvy wood he put up in this room. Just had an idea….maybe I will paint more of the scene on the wall like its spilling out of the frame. Oh , that is the bliss of being older ….no point in waiting . Every project is a memorial.
I must’ve been quite fed up as I did some cleaning next accompanied by the Leonard Cohen concert and hardly any enthusiasm. Still all my paintbrushes are clean. And the top of the cooker…sort of.
I suppose then that I have almost done another day of solitude . Am starting to think how nice it would be to go for a walk…but its banned. Not that I ever wanted to go for a walk when I could. Probably just go look at the view from the end of the street and then it will be wine time.
I read your writings everyday, though I rarely comment on anyone’s site. I am impressed by your honesty about the feelings you are going through. I am in the middle of the USA and the pandemic is growing. The medical people are warning us and taking this seriously, but many people are not. I am hunkered down at home and believe I will be here a long time. I am finding that just standing outside in sunlight for a little while helps. Although it is still freezing here with some snow on the ground. Stay well and know that you are not alone.
Thank you. I have american friends who are feeling like yourself. I am lucky to be in italy where mjst people are taking care. Not so in Uk. Best wishes in this awful time. X
I am a hopeless optimist. Every day is an opportunity. Make a list of what you would like to/could do tomorrow. Rejoice in finally having time to sort through those piles of junk in your cabinets. New recipes to invent/try. Make sure you talk to at least two people every day (online). Got mending to do? Political commentary to add to web punditry? Want to start another one painting a day challenge? I’m up for that! And don’t get me started on conspiracy…
I know it is tough, I am on a different continent from my kids also, and no way to get back. I realize that having another person to bounce off of is actually pretty nice, even if it is my husband. But we are all going to get through this, and one day we will realize that we were important in the historical fabric that is being woven. And staying healthy is an accomplishment!
So you don’t have to be perky and you don’t have to dance, but better days are around the corner. Won’t that be glorious?!
Thank you. Am much cheered today. Got a new painting project and back to thinking of this as an opportunity. And if it lasts to the end of july its an even longer opportunity. Hope this next arty project works . Will post tonight if it does. Have a good day. And I miss james to bounce things off even though we would never agree.