It wasn’t the best start again at 4am and I lay awake and thought about how I was going to deal with being scared and pessimistic.
It is easy to feel like that at 4am !
Excuse me if I am very introspective , but in my defence there is no one to talk to except myself …and especially at 4am.
However I reckoned that there was no point in thinking that there would ever come a time when there was nothing to worry about so waiting till everything worrisome was past was no good. ( today it was the water bill.)
I needed a strategy to deal with that.
It occurred to me that what I needed was to want to get somewhere very badly so that the “problems ” were just like cacti growing on a road. Annoying, but possible to swerve around. It’s maybe not a very good metaphor…..but I was feeling like there were mountains and big deep pits and hardly any road. And I couldn’t see where I was going.
I needed getting along my road to be more important than the” problems”.
I decided that finishing writing my sort of diary of 2020 and editing it would be my” road” and the first little cactus to avoid/ get around, was trying to edit it on my tablet. Nope! Wouldn’t do it.
So on to plan B.
Plan B was to enlarge the type face on the laptop as I was finding the screen a bit blurry. So I zoomed it up to 150% and it is so much more pleasant to use. ( It does feel a bit like buying a bigger size of jeans though. )
All this was taking my mind off the even bigger cactus……the water bill.
But now I have started the process. And in time the bill will no doubt arrive. ( and it was not straightforward and I was in 3 different offices! 🤔.)
I had been so stressed when I went out that I left the bill for my house tax at home. That meant another trip uptown. I am definitely getting my energy back.
There was a small package waiting for me when I finally got back. My rug hook has arrived. Now I can get on with making a rag rug…..nice way of cutting up my old clothes and re using them. It might even be artistic. ..
I watched some more tours of artists studios on youtube and in between there were some interesting artists interviewed. It was quite exciting.
And I got inspired to tidy out my work room and maybe rearrange it.
Then I thought as this is my only house now maybe I should fix it up a little bit……just a little bit here and there……..
And then I ordered a new phone……
This one is full and after lasting more than 5 years I am constantly deleting things and now its never under 94% full. I could have waited until it stopped working ……. but
I think I might be getting ready to start my next new life….maybe just a little bit…….