Today started off very well. After my usual editing, yoga, checking twitter routine I was considering going out and drawing my other doorway on my tablet.

Then I saw my wooden folding chairs looking sad and bored and I thought it would be a shame to wait any longer before I cheered them up.

It was a lovely job in the sunshine. I spread out an old duvet cover on the ground after mixing some white paint with some of my oldest turquoise acrylic and got started. It made a lovely job and wasn’t at all difficult. Having done the chairs I mixed up different colours for the flower pots. They looked pretty when I had finished. Everything dried in about half an hour.

I arranged the pots and thought it was looking good……but there was something missing.

Now there are pink flowers and green leaves painted along the top and a little way down the sides. It looks much more finished now. And very cheerful.

I am glad I did that this morning.

Then the pellet man arrived with 20 bags of pellets.

I am glad I had ordered them

Then I looked at my emails before starting to paint my big commission.

There was an email from the pensions office. It was not good news.

I feel a bit sick really. First the law changed so I didn’t get a pension when I was 60. Then apparently the law changed again in 2016 so that I no longer have any credit from my husband’s income which was the case until then. I don’t know whether to feel stupid or what. In the “good old days” it seemed to me that a pension was what everyone got when they reached a certain age.

I was one of those stay at home mums , then a Foster parent, a voluntary worker in a whole lot of areas for more than ten years and then I er… ran off to Italy and lived the “good life” using savings from the sale of my house and selling enough paintings to cover some bills. I paid tax here when I rented out my house . I’ve always been better at living on very little than actually earning anything. I have found that a problem all my life. I think I have done a lot of valuable things in my life and still do ,but none of them were or are worth much money. I feel very rich and fortunate in every other way except financially.

I was hoping to be able to relax a bit and feel a little secure.

However I think I could manage for several years on the money from the sale of my house if I am very careful and who knows if I might have ” gone into a decline” if I didn’t have to struggle a bit. And probably the majority of people in the whole world don’t get an old age pension.

Who knows what will happen. (.I hope I am believing this. ) There is no immediate problem and in a few years time I could have got over my problem with not making enough money, found some other solution, or be dead.

I was quite proud of myself this afternoon as despite feeling sick I went on and finished the background of my big ( in size) commission and tidied up 2 smaller paintings.

Sigh…..

At least sunshine is free and wine is cheap in Italy.

Cheers.🍷🍷🍷