I had a nice little piece of work to do this morning . It took ages ,but was pleasantly fiddly. It was raining outside and sitting next to the stove was the best place to be. I was being a painter.

I think there’s a difference between being  a painter and being an artist.

Today , and for the last 3 weeks I have been a painter.That is, I have done my best to fulfill other people’s  expectations with paint. I have said yes to everyone even when reference photos are a bit dodgy or I have had to combine several different photos . I’ve changed and altered people’s  faces even when I couldn’t  see what they were seeing. Sometimes they saw something I hadn’t  noticed and I tried to  feel that the painting was a joint effort. In some cases I was really pleased with the result ,but as  the weeks passed I have become worried that I would not be able to get anything “right”. I wouldn’t  be surprised if I have stopped trying and now reached the point where I expect to not be good enough.

It’s hard work keeping my morale up. I expect I am not alone.

I think people have a right to only pay for something they like. It’ s not like you would go in IKEA  and buy a table that didn’t  suit you.

Next week I have a big project to begin for someone. I want to make a lovely job of it so that they are pleased with it.

I imagine an artist paints from their heart and I think I might be having a week’s holiday soon to be an artist.

There is definitely too much time on my own to think.

I expect this will pass . And at least my next project gets me out of the house. And It could be the start of something new.

Just need to give my fragile self esteem a bit of a hug and get on with the next challenge then……

In the meantime I have completed about 10 commissions and several smaller pieces of work this month or more or less this month…. it’s difficult to keep track of the weeks.

And now it’s wine time and I think I found another detective series on YouTube. Great !!! 🍷🍷