After another restless night I made myself get up at 6am and get to work on my diary. I am now past Christmas and am pleased that it looks like I will finish it. That’s step one.
Then I finished being Van Gogh. There wasn’t much to do. I am very pleased with my latest painting.
After that I was tired. Am a bit fed up being tired. Sometimes I think if worked at a regular job then I would know it was okay to be tired because I had worked all day.
My life is a bit muddeldy. Not much routine or boundaries .
Today’s good thought was related to something I heard a motivational speaker say when I clicked on her video by accident. It was something about imagining how you want to be. Really picturing it. I think it might be the same as looking at the story you are telling yourself about how your life is going and making it a good one.
There has been too much lately, I think, of me telling myself that I am old and tired and a bit past it and that hanging on and smelling the roses is as good as it gets. It feels like treading water and I want to be swimming to somewhere.
But today just briefly I glimpsed the person I wanted to be and I am thinking of telling myself a better story.
I started by deciding to make 4 new stretched canvases. That involved cutting 16 pieces of wood. My plan was to make them the same size as the canvases I used last week. I was half way through when I realised that I was making them smaller. However they,’ll do and are really quite neatly done.
I followed that by going shopping as I had nearly run out of wine.
And now I am sitting here wondering what I will do next. Maybe some little adventures, some interesting paintings , try out my little barbecue.( maybe not!) decorate my stairs , try a taste of optimism.
I could begin by telling myself that I’m not tired….. ..