In 5 days I should be on a train taking me to Parma and I don’t have a return ticket.

I am busy organising myself so that I am able to paint and even sell work while I am away.  Am both scared and excited.

I don’t know if I will be back in a month or 2 months or even three.

I have some plans involving a sketch book diary, putting  something on redbubble every day, blogging  but.the rest is a bit vague .

I need to come back at some point to get on with selling my old studio…..or possibly my new one.

Have never had a new year start with so many potential big changes.

But I need  to do something different. And it looks like I am getting a helping hand from circumstances.

I have made a little book of photos of paintings.  I am quite impressed. not by my book making abilities…..but what a variety  of work I have done.

I have decided that if I have to sell my new studio then I will fix up my old one or maybe I will sell both and buy something else. I don’t think I can stay as I am.

I read something yesterday saying that ” you are what you believe.” That makes sense. I can’t see me suddenly changing dramatically into a confident  and assertive person ..but I do  believe I can act like that if I need to on occasion.

Am just smiling at myself lying in bed writing this and remembering years ago when my motto was….”I might be right”.  It was the most positive thing I could come up with. Then there was the time when I needed to pass an assessment and after watching an episode of Oprah Winfrey I sort of hypnotised myself into believing I was funny and interesting. It worked ( I was desperate to pass)  . I managed to believe it often enough  to make a difference. I learned that it was fun pretending and sometimes I wasn’t pretending. Then there was the year when I decided I would love, laugh and dance – and I did. ( especially I danced) So this year I think I  might consider  ” being open to change for the better” ( am always open to change for the worse!!)

That should involve being curious. I think I could do “curious”. And maybe a bit of “it’ s OK to look”. You might not believe the depth  of my fear of life.

Anyways that was this year’s introspection.  ( I can just hear my mum saying ” ah but curiosity killed the cat”. Is that a real saying?)

So ……

And  I did paint my studio over Christmas.  I called it my Christmas project. Because I did it for myself …Though obviously  I would sell it if someone offered me enough money…. and I love it. It’s big.  And it’s full of personal touches. And I think it has turned out close to how I imagined it which doesn’t often happen.

So better get up and get on with 2018.