Am a bit fed up with this year.And as it is 3am and I can’t sleep that probably isn’t helping.
Looking back I have done a lot more than I thought I could. Starting with the positive……
Some things were amazing, like being in a video and being interviewed for TV.
Lots of things were breathtaking. All the little moments when the sun shone in the door, my garden looked beautiful, there was mist in the valley, the decorations for the feste were up again, looking down on pisticci at night and countless other times too many to remember.
Then there were heartwarming moments,unexpected kindness from friends, memorable compliments , still making me smile, meeting new people and finding old friends again.
Also there were the acheivements. Painting my first big painting and then the second. Then painting my best one ever and selling it at a reasonable price. Scrapping my first effort at writing a book after writing 50000 words and starting again and reaching 65000 edited words. ( and realising there is a lot more to write. ) Selling enough paintings to feed myself and pay bills for two thirds of the year. And making my house a home by actually doing 90% of the things I planned instead of just thinking about them and settling for less. Finally , bringing my watercolours and pens to scotland and making 5 little paintings, 4 of christmas rooms in family houses and one of their dog in just under a week to give as christmas gifts.
The lonely , sad, hopeless , scary and disappointed times were there too. When I regularly turned down invites to eat out with friends due to lack of money. Or being too tired/depressed to go out at night or make an effort to invite people round. Feeling completely alone wasn’t too great either.
There were moments of accepting that this is my life now. It’s not how it was.
And finally some glimpses of light. And a little of the lost hope coming back . And getting angry about brexit and the state of the world instead of thinking its all over for me.
So now christmas is past and its not quite new year.
Am hoping to get over being in the huff because life was a bit difficult this year and I had to try quite hard to get by. ( scots understatement …not all my life is online.)
Feels like I might have grown an inch of backbone…. possibly less but at least looking back I would not have immagined I could have got here, so something happened.
I think I will make this next year’s motto an old one from about twenty years ago. That is ” I might be right.” It feels ok and a little hopeful and not too challenging.
I have given up on trying to make myself write posts for this blog every week. Even though it makes me feel happy every time I do write something… curious!
So now am going to add the 5 paintings I did this week plus others done in the weeks leading up to christmas and inbetween commissions. They are all pen and watercolour .
Happy New Year to anyone reading this.