I don’t know what is wrong with me today .

I think I am in the process of finally selling my other little house. I should be excited, even though it is for less than I had hoped. It is still a fair price for here. And it should mean that I can breathe again.

Except that I think even if I had sold it for twice the price I would still feel totally unable to imagine living in any other way but as cheaply as possible as I have been, and scared of the next unexpected bill. Maybe this feeling will wear off…..

And I am sad to sell something I thought was the most beautiful thing I ever owned. I am glad I lived there for a while. I can still remember lying in bed there and not wanting to close my eyes because I didn’t want to miss a moment of being there. I guess I made the most of it. I even felt like a well- off person living in a proper house.

Am now feeling a bit apologetic towards my current house. I have in the past referred to it as a shed. ( for which I am very sorry ,little house. I didn’t really mean it.)

I suppose I think a house reflects its owner. My little artist’s house was never really me. It was too beautiful.

This house , my studio , is colourful, silly, funny, cracked, an illusion, different , not right, individual , broken, dangerous, laughable, exciting, surprising , crammed with creations and potential and stories.

Well, that has cheered me up.

I will be able to afford a scooter again. I have missed my scooter so much. I want to be able to go to the beach by myself. To go in the countryside and paint. To just be free ………

Even more cheered up now. 😀

I did go out this morning and do a few things in town and even had a coffee on the way back. I am as organised as I can be now. ( bought more chocolate and wine .)

Was too distracted to draw much , but made an effort at drawing myself from a photo of me on my first day at school. I think it looks a bit scary.

I suppose this might be the start of something new ………..