I think after all this time I am in some sort of complicated ( at least to me ) transition. Here in Basilicata we have only another 10 or so days to go before we begin to regain a little freedom and unless disaster strikes it has all gone a lot better than it could have. Not that no one died , because some did. It’s not the easiest concept to discuss without sounding callous but it has been a lot worse almost everywhere else . We are lucky not to have lost more people.
And so soon the new normal life should be beginning and I have to think about what I will do over the next months. This was the year that I was going to push on and finally sell enough work to live on. I was going to rent out my house again , meet lots of new people and who knows what else. Now I don’t know. I have some ideas but tourists are not in it. If that was all then I might be happy and enthusiastic and ready to see what I can acheive in this new world.
But overshadowing this is having a family in Scotland where things have not been so easy . And even though they are all sensible people and keeping as safe as possible I wish they were here. Or I was there with my ” superpowers to keep them all safe”. Realistically I could do nothing. But it doesn’t seem to make me feel better for knowing that.
Anyways families of NHS workers must have to live with this kind of anxiety and much worse so I better just get used to my little bit of worry.
The church in town is really blasting out music tonight. Very loud and upbeat. My door is open and its really lovely. Sunshine , singing and some bells.
I went shopping today and felt a bit sorry for myself as I trudged up the hill with my rucksack. I can carry exactly what I need without space for what I would also like. I could go shopping more than once a week but I don’t want to. It’s still an odd experience and am always relieved to be home. I think since my mask went a little peculiar after washing it, it has at least partly fixed the steaming up problem. Just need to be able to breathe going up hills and it’ll be perfect. Am seriously thinking about making some pretty ones for the summer. If its going to be the new fashion item I wouldn’t want to be left out.
I didn’t cheer up much when after sitting outside for 10 mins and having a quick coffee I came inside and tried to shut the door. It took quite a lot of kicks and and a few strategic thumps with my big hammer before I could get it shut. The bottom hinge has been missing for years and every time it rains a lot it swells up and warps. So it requires ” tough love” to get it shut..
I am glad it’s nearly the weekend. It’ll be so different from the week ……aaaagh!!!! Definitely a bit stir crazy today.
My self portrait ( now I think I am narcissistic because I am painting a BIG self portrait…..) is going well. I painted the gladiolas today and in my narcissistic opinion they look great. I looked up what they mean in the language of flowers and they represent strength and integrity. If I was not so honest then I would obviously say that they were chosen specially because of this. But I actually just needed tall dark flowers.
I watched a concert last night on facebook where friends of friends were playing jazz. It was live. I enjoyed it and wondered if that might be how summer will go with solitary virtual concerts. It could be worse.
Think I will go now and search for my more cheerful attitude which is hiding under the bed and throw the dull mood into the back of the wardrobe. ( I like thinking in pictures)
Hurray….Friday and wine time and sunshine forecast :my portrait is going well, I have stockpiled 4 bars of chocolate and 8 litres of wine, my strawberries are ripening, I have lots of mint , my roses look great, have more episodes of Hamish Macbeth to watch and nine more books in a new series. And a ton of ideas for things to do……