Was feeling a bit sad for no particular reason until I remembered that I had been talking about the ” not so positive” stuff in my life. It’s not that I go around being all jolly and upbeat all the time, but I have noticed that talking myself down does have an impact.
This is where living on my own gets to be hard work. There is no one to blame for how I feel. ( however unreasonable that might be) and no one to say ” go for it” about 500 times a day. It might be obvious why I am on my own with an attitude like that.
Mostly , painting fixes me, or learning something new or maybe just going outside or a nice chat on the phone. I used to be able to add retail therapy …even just €3 ….or going for a ride on my scooter or planning a trip somewhere but not now.
Mostly I concentrate on what I have rather than what I don’t because I don’t like being sad.
I think I am very nearly brilliant at making do and getting by almost.
And now I am back to making a living. Which leads back to having something of value to offer.
But I am stopping there because it makes me sad to think that way and have been here before.
Today it was sunny again.
I bought the biggest light bulb I could find this morning and now am all set up for my next still life. I worked on it for an hour or so today. Then I found a video suggesting something I might try on it tomorrow. It’s looking ok. So far.
Then the client came to take my pottery panels away. I hadn’t understood that I was supposed to video myself painting them. I don’t think I could have anyways. I only have a phone and arms of normal length. ( could not bring myself to buy a selfie stick.) I still didn’t understand exactly what the panels are for . I have a vague Idea it’s something to do with a museum.
While I was waiting for them to arrive I found a recipe for porage oats and peanut butter energy balls. I didn’t exactly have all the ingredients but I have made some very delicious stuff which will hopefully have me painting at double speed while singing and dancing…..or something like that.
Now I have to go get ready to go out. Maybe I will say “**** it” very loudly and chose something fun to wear. And metaphorically shove all the negative stuff in a bin bag under the bed.
And next week I will find someone to read my book.