Or stopping being scared of everything.
I really need to remember that everything might be okay and that is as reasonable and sensible a belief as everything is bound to be awful.
I had 2 gifts for myself today. The first was to edit the prologue to my diary of 2020 so that it was completely finished.( in so far as anything is ever complete.)
I was struggling / getting bored with editing so I thought about how happy I would be to finish on my birthday. Then I made a plan of how much work I needed to do every day until today and did it. And I am very happy and proud of myself for achieving this. I wanted the prologue to be written today and had already written a rough copy to make sure it could be done.
The second gift I gave myself was a trip to the comune which I have been putting off for months. Partly because it was closed and partly because when it wasn’t closed you were supposed to telephone and make an appointment. And mainly because I have always been a little scared of discovering something else I need to pay for and didn’t know about. This is not a completely unreasonable fear.
On Friday I thought about how good I would feel if treated going to the comune just like going to the supermarket. And how encouraged I would feel on my birthday if I started in the way I would like to go on.
So I did that too. I marched right in the back door with the intention of asking someone to help me make an appointment. The first person I met was a friend who had just turned up , got their bill and was on the way out. I should have known better. So went to 2 different offices, explained what I wanted and I have made some progress.
It did feel good. Very good.
After that it was easy to go buy more wood for stretchers and carefully carry 3mtr posts all the way through back streets avoiding striking cars or pedestrians.
Now after 15 minutes on the doorstep with a book, handful of strawberries and mint flavoured water I am ready for a glass of wine and more Commissario nardone.